The 7 Stages of Crisis Repair & Recovery — Creating What’s Next

Oh, a storm is threatening — My very life today. If I don’t get some shelter — Oh, I’m gonna’ fade away.” First Verse — Gimme Shelter — Rolling Stones.

While contemplating the title for this piece I was flipping stations and landed on the Rolling Stone Classic Gimme Shelter.  Instantly I knew that was it. I cranked it up, even though it was 7:15 a.m., and listened intently to the words. Gimme Shelter. The song says it all.

The early winner this year seems to be fear.

By the time you read this, we will be closer to discovering who will next lead our country here in the U.S. Regardless of which candidate is ultimately voted into power, the aftermath of this year’s election will undoubtedly leave us once again seeking shelter as we navigate the perils of the unknown.

Will our nation respond peacefully to whatever occurs? Will we be led in ways that help us mend our brokenness? Are we in danger of even more uprisings and civil unrest? Gimme Shelter indeed!

Anxiety in the U.S. continues to mount as we brace ourselves for the aftermath of our nation’s election. Whichever way the tide turns, once voting is finalized, there will be segments of our population that will feel the heart-pounding, adrenalin surging panic triggered by crisis.

Crisis recovery can be a springboard into healing and forgiveness.

While crises can ultimately serve as powerful catalysts for change, and unification, as evidenced by the worldwide response to the tragic events of 9/11, moving through them feels akin to the tornado scene in the Wizard of Oz. Like Dorothy we are being unmercifully tossed about in a swirl of dangerous objects with nothing stable to hold onto.

Crisis recovery can be a springboard into healing and forgiveness, cutting through long-standing grudges that have strained relationships. They can serve as reminders that life is precious, and the people we love are more important than the things we collect. Crises can bring us back to more values-centric ways of walking in the world, activate a sense of deeper purpose, and call us forward into living in alignment with our highest values and beliefs. But wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. While crises can ultimately call us forward in new ways, there are predictable stages we go through first, as we figure out how to adjust and prepare for What’s Next.

With the aftermath of the election upon us, I thought this would be a great time to examine the stages of crisis response and recovery.

7 Stages of Crisis Response & Recovery

Stage I — Is this Real? — SHOCK — Be it the discovery of infidelity, a partner announcing they want to split, anxiety spiked by an unpredictable pandemic, fears stirred by politicians, a medical diagnosis or unexpected death, or even fears activated when the “wrong” candidate gets elected, shocking news triggers our fight, flight or freeze mechanism. This is a natural, automatic internal response to a perceived threat, be it real or imagined.

A sense of disbelief and denial then kicks in followed by a frantic search for answers in an attempt to try and make sense of things. “There’s no way this can be real.” “Is this really happening?” “What did I miss?”

Here’s how it works: First, our internal emotional response system sounds an alarm signaling the brain and body of potential danger. This happens in a nano-second causing our entire system to mobilize. Well before our thinking brain has a chance to weigh in on the matter, we are primed for action. Adrenalin surges through our limbs preparing us to fight or get as far away as possible from the perceived danger.

Shortly thereafter, our brain scans our memory banks for experiences from our past that match current reality, creating a link from past to present, strengthening our response. (Present events become intensified by our personal past, as internal systems assess our “danger level”.)

Stage II — Fear Response & Protection Seeking — PANICKED ACTION

The hallmark of Phase II is ACTION, rather, REACTION without much, if any, forethought. When it seems that the world as we have known it is on the verge of collapse, our Executive Functioning Center takes a back seat to our more primitive danger response system. (Many reactionary social media posts are written during this stage!)

Doing tends to temporarily keep the panic monsters at bay.

Our amygdala (emotional antennae) becomes hijacked driving us to DO something to help calm feelings of helplessness. Doing has the power to shift our focus from fear-based ruminations into the momentary focus on action. (Doing tends to temporarily keep the panic monsters at bay.) While sometimes this directed action can be helpful, for example, think of a story you have probably heard of an adrenalin surge providing almost superhuman strength to pull someone out of danger. Quite often, however, our reaction can be like slamming on the brakes, while turning the car at 100 miles an hour on an icy road. While our action may stop the speeding car, often this reactionary move causes us to skid out of control and sometimes crash into another car.

We want to feel safe at all costs; and mobilizing into action can temporarily help us feel some measure of control and safety.

Example: Remember the extreme hoarding, especially of the illusive toilet paper, we witnessed at the beginning of the pandemic? Humans are driven to solve problems. When the fear of limiting supplies hit, the simple action of finding and bringing home difficult to find items, like toilet paper, activated temporary feelings of safety and mastery. Having enough TP, supported the notion that our family would be safe from the perils of having to engage in unorthodox toileting measures! When we feel unsafe, we become extraordinarily self-focused. Me. Mine. My family. My spouse.

Stage III — Feeling Powerless — HOPELESSNESS & DESPAIR

As we begin to surface from our panic-driven reactivity, we begin to realize that the things we were doing to create comfort, simply aren’t having the soothing affect we had hoped for. When situations feel “out of control” our sense of safety shrinks. We abhor uncertainty and dislike not having an idea of “What’s Next”. Clouds of Hopelessness and Despair begin to occlude our vision preventing us from seeing a way out.

“War, Children, It’s Just a Shot Away — It’s Just a Shot Away.” Gimme Shelter — Middle Verse

During this time we are particularly susceptible to social media posts, op-eds, and articles that validate our fears. Heaven knows we have seen a lot of ugly this year. This is due to our highly adaptive Reticular Activating System.

Here’s how the RAS works: We are problem-solving machines. Our RAS is in charge of seeking out experiences that are in alignment with our dominant thought patterns. Finding a match lights up our problem-solving circuitry releases a quick burst of endorphins when we lock onto evidence that is in alignment with what we “know” to be true. (Whether it is really true or not) Feeling like our instincts are correct, temporarily relaxes frenetic thinking.

This can also be a time of regret. We think back to situations we wish we had handled differently. This can be true for couples, and families, as well as governmental agencies, and nations. When crises hit, we need some breathing space to begin to adjust and create a new point of reference to deal with an unfamiliar territory.

When hopelessness and fear hit, it is important to be present with the feelings that arise. So often we try to bury them. We fear that our underlying sadness or fear may swallow and immobilize us. Actually, the opposite can be true. When we create time to sit with the feelings, rather than making them wrong or trying to push them away, we are better able to release their grip upon our thinking.

Stage IV — Reverting Back to the Familiar — COMFORT SEEKING

The hallmark of Stage IV is seeking the comfort of the familiar. We vow to pay more attention; to do things differently next time if only things can go back to “normal”. We cajole and beg the powers that be, “Please. Next time I will pay more attention to my kids / my spouse. I will make more time to visit and be patient with my elderly parents. Please just take this cross away from me. I promise will do better next time.” People often return to their religion of origin, and/or their family of origin, and frequently begin to pray more fervently.

Deep within the bones and desire for comfort lie kernels of wisdom. That which we long for has something to teach us. Reaching out to trusted friends or a professional during this time can help to sort through things and move into the next stage of acceptance and recovery.

Stage V — Resignation & Acceptance — SURRENDER

During Stage V, we realize we are “in it” and there isn’t much we can outwardly do to change what has taken place. We can’t go back to what was and we aren’t comfortable with what is. No matter how hard we try to “wish it away” the crisis has happened. As time goes on, Resignation can shift into Acceptance. This stage is hallmarked by glimmers of greater calm and the beginnings of inner peace for those who are willing to move into trust and surrender.

Prayer work during this phase shifts from “prayers of petition” (praying for a particular outcome) to prayers for guidance, as we make peace with living with extreme uncertainty and surrender into a deeper connection with our spiritual sense of life. It is through this surrendering that we begin to experience a bit shelter from the storm.

Stage VI— Settling In, Trust-Building & Inspired Action — REINTEGRATION

he hallmark of this phase is Adaptation and Reintegration. There is movement from frenetic action into inspired, focused, deliberate action. We are resilient, problem-solving beings. As the shock and helplessness of a crisis begin to wear off, our higher-level brain functions engage. We begin the physiological and psychological process of system reintegration, of rebuilding.

We move into more strategic thinking, discerning what we need to do, and leaning into what we feel called to do. We move into more thoughtful action and begin applying our unique talents and skills to the problem at hand.

This is a time of pivoting. We have witnessed this during our global crises as musicians, healers, authors, Youtubers, spiritual leaders and others reach out with messages of humor, hope and encouragement. During crises such as the pandemic and 911, restaurants and entertainers became more creative in how they serve the public and help people feel safer. Sports teams had  drive-in style viewing. As shock and despair wear off our creative problem-solving circuitry becomes activated. We begin helping and reaching out for help to co-create solutions. We brainstorm. We pivot. We begin the process of co-creating a New Normal.

Stage VII — Connecting with the Sacred — REACHING BEYOND

The hallmark of this stage is engagement with spiritual practices which move us beyond day-to-day struggles and fears and into more Heart-Centered Wisdom; Leading with Love.

Whether you are religious, spiritual, and/or someone whose reverence abides in the sanctuary of the earth’s beauty and her creatures, this is about honoring the Sacred (and your unique connection with whatever you see as Holy) through allowing your heart to be touched and take the lead. This is the space where our inner humanity meets the Divine.

Some people call this engagement with the HS (Holy Spirit / Higher Self). Here are some ideas and ways to get in touch with your Heart Center:

• Create an Altar.Include sacred objects / images / prayer cards / found items that call to you. You may want to include pictures of loved ones, spiritual teachers, Divine Images. This is a place of reverence that invites you into deeper connection.
• Light a candle.Candle lighting rituals are a part of many spiritual traditions. There is something about lighting a candle in a thoughtful and reverent way that can enhance present moment awareness and focus.
• Pray.Formally or informally. Allow yourself to connect with life’s mysteries through prayer. Some people pray with beads — rosary or a mala. Some recite formal prayers of their youth. Others simply talk to God (or whatever name you choose to call the Divine Essence).

“Our joy is our sorrow unmasked.” Kahlil Gibran.

• Allow yourself to Cry.So often we try and hold back the tears. Tears can be very cleansing and heart-opening, as they allow us to release sorrow that we may have held inside for many years.
• Meditate.Follow your breath. Sit in silence. Walk and pay focused attention to the terrain. Spend quiet time in the great healer — nature.
• Be Grateful.Write down what you are grateful for. It is really challenging to focus on two things at once — being upset and being grateful. Gratitude has the momentum to shift us out of darkness and into spaces of greater hope, and presence.
• Appreciate.Let someone know that what they have given to you / how they are showing up matters. Acknowledging someone else’s enhances connection and can lighten everyone’s state of mind.
• Give back.Focused giving opens hearts and transforms lives.
• Create.Allow your creative juices to flow. Make Art. Music. Dance. Creativity offers the opportunity to get out of your head and open into deeper places inside. Creativity transforms.

Whatever the choice, engage in it reverently and mindfully (with focused attention). Access your Heart and allow that which is sacred within and beyond (Immanent and Transcendent) to emerge and guide. These are moments of allowing the Divine to breathe life into our parched souls and hold us in loving embrace. These moments offer opportunities to open into deep connection; to allow ourselves to Mother and be Mothered / Father and be Fathered.

This stage is both a top down, and a bottom up approach. It is about allowing our vision of the future to lead us forward, while simultaneously grounding right where we are. It is both a present moment acknowledgement and a future oriented visioning.

In Summary, crises offer opportunities to learn, heal and grow as we move through the various stages. While it is true, life after a significant crisis has been irrevocably altered, we can choose to participate in the co-creation of What’s Next. As we work through our initial panic and fear, we make room to access parts of ourselves that we may have buried along the way.

When we allow ourselves to heal, trust, surrender, discern, and partner with others committed to heart-centered, principled ways of living, we expand, rather than contract. We can strengthen who we are and how we show up for others. We can learn how to lead in ways that unify rather than divide. When we pause long enough to listen, connect, and trust, we are better able to revitalize and discover an inner resilience, that we may not have been accessing in the same way prior to the crisis.

Ultimately each of us is charged with being part of the solution to co-create What’s Next. This is true for relationships, families, communities, our nation, and our world.

“I tell you, Love, Sister, It’s Just a Kiss Away. It’s Just a Kiss Away.” Gimme Shelter — Final Verse

Wishing you Peace, Joy, Courage, and Love as you move through whatever disturbs your peace. May you become both a teacher and student of life. May you open to new ways of listening to the stirrings of the Divine Heart as it presents Itself to you in new ways. May you more fully trust in the wisdom of your own heart and allow it to more consistently guide your life choices. May Tenderness, Kindness, and Love Light Your Way!

Dr. J.