“May we have the grace to see despite the hurt of rupture,
Beneath the searing of anger, within the dark weight of night,
There may emerge A Blessing strong enough to refine our hearts
In ways we cannot possibly imagine.” – John O’Donohue
If you really love someone you would never have an affair. True or False?
Most people believe that if you love someone you would never forge a deep connection with someone else. In my experience of working with many couples over the years, I have found that having an affair doesn’t in fact mean that you don’t love your partner. You can love and still form a connection with someone else.
Love. We all have an idea of what it means to love and be loved — a prescribed notion of what we want, need or expect a partnership to feel like. The people we love touch us on so many levels. They can bring out our very best and tap into our absolute worst. Over time, the pressures of life can impose themselves on our relationships, shifting us into complacency and causing us to neglect what is truly important.
Affairs
No one wants to consider the possibility that the person they love would intimately share themselves with someone else. For some, the betrayal of emotional intimacy feels bigger than the betrayal of “just sex.” For others, physical engagement is the ultimate line-crossing.
Affairs cause pain to everyone involved. What can begin as a simple flirtation — a drink, interest in a colleague, an attraction sparked at the gym or a convention — if not kept in perspective, can easily slide into infidelity. In the beginning, affairs offer excitement. They can provide a respite from the day-to-day challenges of life. An affair can quench the thirst of unmet longings or apply healing balm to a midlife crisis. The rush, though, is temporary. The impact, long-lasting.
When you first engage with someone outside of your marriage, you have no idea how many lives will be affected. Trust me on this: The list is much longer than you would ever anticipate. An affair is a rich fantasy which, like any addiction, develops a life of its own. Once you take the lid off the box, it never quite fits back on the same way.
Secrecy. Curiosity. Desire.
Things outside the norm can vie for our attention in unexpected ways. When life becomes a bit routine and complacency has set in, affairs can create a fantasy that seems to offer shelter from life’s storms. Feelings of curiosity and desire fan the flames, and risky behavior gives us an adrenaline rush.
So, what do you do when you are tempted? When you feel a spark with another person? When you feel like you are out of love with your partner? How do you handle feelings of disconnection?
What do you do if your affair slips out of the darkness, into the light of day and you are caught? Or when your guilt begins to override your pleasure? Perhaps your affair has ceased to be a respite and the thought of getting caught is overriding the rush of the fantasy?
Affair Recovery
The aftermath of an affair, if handled with openness and a genuine desire to heal, can provide an opening for cultivating a deeper and more authentic connection with your partner.
In recovery, you can reconnect with the person to whom you have committed. Skillful navigation offers couples the ability to to recover what they fear has been lost, to re-engage in authentic self and relational discovery.
Healing from infidelity is something extremely difficult to tackle on your own. Affairs carry social stigma and, once uncovered, tend to evoke feelings of shame in all parties involved. While many may have an opinion to offer, working with an experienced professional helps you to heal more thoroughly, set better boundaries, and avoid the pitfalls you would encounter on your own.
I am an experienced Infidelity Specialist who teaches couples how to best navigate the tumultuous waters of post affair recovery. I can help you rediscover yourself, rebuild trust, and re-engage with what is truly important in your relationship and your life.
(949) 244-3310
Dr. Jeanne’s first book, The Infidelity Cure: How to Rebuild Your Life & Relationship After Your Affair – A Guidebook for Men and the Women Who Love Them, is now available for purchase through Amazon and Barnes & Noble. She is currently working on her next books, Loving Courageously and a guide on Women’s Infidelity. Stay tuned for updates on both exciting new projects!
Living & Loving Courageous Inspirations
Order The Infidelity Cure Today!
Loving well is an Art & a Science. Dr. Jeanne’s new book offers actionable steps to heal after an affair. Be one of the first to get your hands on this powerful guide. It’s also a great resource to help “affair-proof” your marriage and an essential tool for professionals supporting clients through the complexities of infidelity recovery.
Support Local Bookstores with Bookshop.org!
I’m thrilled to share that The Infidelity Cure is now available on Bookshop.org—a platform dedicated to supporting independent bookstores. When you purchase through Bookshop.org, a portion of every sale goes directly to local bookstores, helping them thrive in an era dominated by big retailers. You can either choose your favorite local bookstore, or your purchase will contribute to a shared pool that supports all independent bookstores.
It’s a simple way to get your book while also investing in the heart of your community. 
Order my book here: The Infidelity Cure a book by Jeanne Michele PhD – Bookshop.org US
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