Marriage Counselor Costa Mesa CA
“Your task is not to seek for love, but find the barriers within yourself you have built against it.” – Rumi
No Longer In Love?
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore.”
Has your partner shared these painful words, or have you found yourself saying them? Hearing this can feel devastating, yet it happens far more often than many realize. Feelings can change over time, and relationships inevitably go through difficult seasons that can make you question your connection. During these rough patches, it’s easy to wonder, “Is this the end of our relationship, or just a temporary reaction to stress, such as a midlife crisis?” When emotions are running high, it’s challenging to think clearly, let alone have meaningful conversations.
It’s natural to question your bond from time to time. But if it feels like either you or your partner has lost that loving feeling, it’s important to determine whether it’s just a temporary setback or a deeper issue that needs to be addressed. If you’ve reached this point, know you’re not alone. It might simply be time for a relationship reset. This doesn’t have to signal the end—rather, it could be the beginning of a new chapter.
Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the most painful challenges a couple can endure, as it shatters the foundation of trust that relationships are built on. Once broken, rebuilding that trust can feel like an insurmountable task.
If you’ve recently discovered your partner’s affair, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed, betrayed, and unsure of what comes next. You may have sensed something was wrong for a while, or perhaps the revelation came as a complete shock.
If you’re the partner who engaged in the affair, the initial excitement may have faded, replaced by guilt and fear over what happens now. You might be wondering if your spouse knows, or perhaps they’ve already found out. You may be desperate to end the affair and rebuild your relationship but feel unsure of where to start.
Affairs inevitably cause deep pain for everyone involved. Yet, if handled with care, they can become a turning point for growth and even strengthen your bond. Working through the aftermath of infidelity often ignites a sense of urgency, compelling couples to transform their relationship in ways they may never have considered before. Research shows that people are capable of profound change when the desire to heal becomes stronger than the urge to stay the same.
A common misconception is that infidelity only happens when love is absent. Time and again, I’ve seen that’s not the case. Many complex factors can contribute to infidelity, and love—or the lack thereof—is just one piece of the puzzle. Human relationships are complicated, and so are the circumstances that lead to betrayal. It’s rarely as simple as not loving your partner.
Contemplating Divorce?
Has your spouse recently announced that they would like a Divorce? Have you announced to your spouse that you are done, but now you are not sure? Sometimes it can feel like a relationship is sliding out of control and you are not sure how to bring it back. This can happen in longer-term relationships more often than you think. Reaching this point can cause you to seriously question your sanity and your future.
The D-Word is not something to be thrown out in anger. Creating a plan for your future needs to be well-thought out. Often there are underlying things that haven’t been addressed in years that when successfully talked about can end up saving a marriage. And, as you dive in more deeply, you could both decide that it’s time to go your separate ways. Either way, it is important for you to weigh out your options, your feelings, your state of mind, the state of your relationship and consider what you would like your future to look like.
Bottom Line: Divorce is something not to be taken lightly. Staying married or getting divorced is a choice that needs to be made mindfully. If you or your spouse have been wondering, let’s talk. I can help you gain the clarity you need to make the best choices possible for all concerned.
(949) 244-3310
Marriage Counseling FAQs
Marriage coaching or couples counseling is a process that focuses on the couple in an effort to improve their relationship and lessen conflict. It is an interactive process where the relational partners learn how to adapt their communication style to the deeper needs of their partner.
Dr. Michele works to get to know each member of the relationship individually. This helps her understand the deeper needs of each person and facilitate greater understanding within the couples sessions.
How long does it take? How many sessions do you recommend for couples coaching / counseling?
That’s a great question! The truth is the amount of time we spend together is tailored to the needs of each couple. When first engaging with a couple and this question arises, I tell them to plan on a minimum of 3 to 6 months. This gives us time to dive into some of the underlying issues and determine the best course of action moving forward.
Sometimes there is a specific issue that a couple is coming to couples therapy to resolve. These sessions tend to be more directive in that they focus on resolving a stated concern. The amount of time for this type of work tends to be less than when a couple comes in with a bigger challenge. Sometimes a few sessions can be enough to work through things. I have had couples work through a pressing issue in just a single (2-hour) session.
Other times a couple may want to discern whether to stay in the marriage or go their separate ways. To help a couple decide what is best we engage in a Discernment process where we take a look at the marriage / relationship, where it is, where it has been, and the potentially shifting needs of each person. This part of relationship counseling helps a couple clarify what they want moving forward and discover if each of them is willing / able to take their relationship to the next level as they prepare to move into the future.
Infidelity Recovery generally requires a minimum 6-month commitment. Similar to the Discernment process, we dive into the marriage trajectory, and we also work on rebuilding trust, healing the trauma of betrayal, setting self-supportive boundaries, and creating a new plan for the future. INFC involves each person taking a deeper look at what they want, and what they are willing to do / not do to rebuild connection.
That’s a great question! There isn’t a specific answer to your question because it varies from couple to couple. Some couples may only need a handful of sessions to work through an issue, while others find it helpful to their marriage to have ongoing sessions for years. If you are working through something, we suggest that you come in for a session or two, see how it is going and then we can collectively figure out what would work best for your marriage.
Each couple has adaptive patterns that they have created over time. While some are in support of the couple, many are not. These patterns can be difficult to work through on your own as they start to take on a life of their own!
Here are a few questions to help you decide:
- Have you been feeling increasing resentment toward your partner lately?
- Have you noticed that the two of you are arguing more frequently over the “little things”?
- Do you find it increasingly more difficult to get your point across without arguing?
- Are you listening to your partner to defend / justify your position, or are you listening with a curious, open-heart?
- How are your listening skills? Do you find yourself listening to understand or simply to defend your position?
- How are you handling things that bother you? Do you swallow your needs / wants / desires in an effort to not “rock the boat”?
- Does your partner seem to be growing less interested in what you have to say?
- Are you setting aside quality time to connect on a regular basis (without kids, friends, etc.)?
- How are things in the sex and intimacy department? (While sexual desire can fluctuate, are you experiencing less and less desire -from one or both of you – on a more frequent basis?)
- Do you find yourself “noticing” / enjoying attention you receive from other potential partners, or feel that others are more interested / interesting than your partner?
- Do you give your partner the “benefit of the doubt” or are you more inclined to believe their intentions are not in your best interest?
As you review this list, think about the current state of your relationship. If you find that your attention is wandering, or more discontent than content, or have specific concerns that stand out, this may be a great time to reach out for some help.
The best athletes work hard, AND they have effective coaches to assist them in moving into greater levels of mastery. Your relational partnership is one of the most important relationships in your life. If you desire greater connection, intimacy and mastery in this important relationship, engaging an effective coach / counselor can be one of the smartest decisions you make.
Whether you desire to take your relationship from Good to Great, need a little tune-up, or are recognizing your relationship is in trouble, working with a skilled professional can offer you the insight you need to more fully enjoy your partnership and dive more deeply into a meaningful and purposeful life as individuals and as a couple.
About Dr. Jeanne Michele
Dr. Jeanne Michele is a marriage and relationship specialist based in Costa Mesa CA, dedicated to helping couples navigate and heal from relationship challenges. She is passionate about guiding partners through the stress and anxiety that often accompany marital struggles. With a compassionate approach, Dr. Michele ensures that each individual feels heard, validated, and understood, addressing not only the relationship dynamics but also the emotional impact—such as fear, stress, and even depression—that marriage issues or divorce can have on a family.
Recognizing that the thought of couples counseling / coaching can sometimes cause anxiety, Dr. Michele strives to create a welcoming, supportive environment and even offers online counseling to accommodate busy schedules. In addition to marriage counseling, she provides and specializes in infidelity recovery for couples working to rebuild trust after an affair.
Living & Loving Courageous Inspirations
Order The Infidelity Cure Today!
Loving well is an Art & a Science. Dr. Jeanne’s new book offers actionable steps to heal after an affair. Be one of the first to get your hands on this powerful guide. It’s also a great resource to help “affair-proof” your marriage and an essential tool for professionals supporting clients through the complexities of infidelity recovery.
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