Are Men Really from Mars?
Dr. Jeanne Michele had the opportunity to chat with Sandy Weiner on the Last First Date Radio show.
Dr. Jeanne and Sandy talk about communication skills in dating and relationships.
In the episode they cover:
- How women and men process differently
- Why all men are not from Mars, and what that means for you
- How infidelity can be the positive catalyst to transforming your relationship
- The importance of communicating about the hard stuff
- The secrets to going on your last first date
- Communication Skills in Dating and Relationships
Listen Here
Watch Here
What inspired you to become a coach with a focus on communication skills?
It started when I was little. I was curious as to what caused people’s love lives to be strong and vibrant. I had a strong corporate career, and I did a lot of facilitation of employee disputes. I ended up going back to school and becoming a therapist. I worked with women who had postpartum depression, which led me to the work I do today.
What do you see as the fundamental difference in working with men vs. working with women?
Women come to therapy when they need a little tuneup. Men don’t come in until they’ve been run over by a truck and bleeding. It’s not that men are one hundred percent one way and women are one hundred percent the other way. Men tend to be loyal and go deep. One of the biggest challenges are misunderstanding. Women tend to use more words and think out loud. Men tend to process internally. What can happen over time is he tunes her out and she feels unheard.
Men need more silence. He’s thinking, because he’s trying to understand what needs to be said.
Younger men are listening to understand more. There’s hope with younger men who are showing up with a desire to partner.
It’s important to talk about everything. Ask for what you want so men can show up for you.
Are men really from Mars? If so, how can we better bridge the gender communication gap?
You can’t heal what you can’t talk about. Women, have some guy friends, which will help you understand men better. You have to be willing to come forward with your assumptions. You need to put it out on the table. Men appreciate kind directness.
There’s a concept in Buddhism called beginner’s mind. Instead of interpreting, be open. Be curious. And enjoy the process. What can you appreciate about the person in front of you? We learn about ourselves through the people we interact with.
What have you learned about infidelity that can help our listeners who may have been cheated on?
What you don’t talk out, you act out. If someone else shows up that lights up your world a little and looks interested, it’s a sign that your relationship could be much better. Have the conversations before you cheat. Make an appointment with your partner to have that conversation.
What’s your final word of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?
Get in touch with yourself. Follow the life principles of The Four Agreements; don’t make assumptions, do your best, be impeccable with your word, and don’t take things personally. Then you can step into your full value and enter a relationship without fear and anxiety and attract a different type of person. Be curious and mindful, direct and open to being surprised.
