Time outs are not just for kids!

Reacting vs. Responding. The Power of Pressing the Pause Button.

Taking time to Pause to gather your thoughts, while in the midst of a heated discussion, may be very challenging, especially for those of us who struggle leaving a discussion until things are fully resolved! And yet, this practice can be a relationship saver. Let’s take a look at the difference between Reacting and Responding and the impact that each can have upon how we build greater trust within relationships.

Reactions are immediate responses to something that angers or hurts us triggering our fight, flight or freeze reflexes, frequently resulting in words spewing out of our mouths that by-pass our rational thinking brain. These reactions are a by-product of unprocessed emotions that reside in our brain’s emotional center. (See Dan Siegel’s video below). Our reactions often result in verbalizing things we later regret saying.

Responses are more mindful ways of engaging that occur after we take some time to pause, reflect and consider what we would like to say, and how we would like to say it. When we respond, we take ourselves and the other person into consideration. The Word Respond can be tied back to the word Responsibility, which is rooted in the idea of holding yourself accountable for what you do and say.

Taking responsibility for your actions, as well as your words, is one of the foundational building blocks for deepening trust within any relationship.

Why do we react instead of taking the time to reflect and respond? Often urgency is the culprit. We live in a fast-paced society that encourages us to think and act quickly. When our ideas and beliefs feel threatened, we can easily move into fight, flight, or freeze mode. The practice of pausing can provide a time out to reflect and regroup before things are said that can have long-lasting collateral damage.

Taking time to Pause and consider your options is an art that requires patience, practice, and pro-activity in setting the stage in advance with our partners. Discussing the idea of pausing to gather your thoughts, BEFORE engaging in a heated discussion, makes it easier for both people to accept taking a pause in the heat of the moment to regroup. You up-level your relational health by letting someone know you need a moment to consider and process, before responding. Learning to PRESS THE PAUSE Button before you react can be a real relationship saver!